Life Is A Road Trip

The Amazing Adventures of a Zoobroker and a Sentiographer

hotels

The universe exploded at the Doug Fir in Portland, OR

bars, fashion, girls, hotels, on the road, oregon, slappedzoobroker1 Comment

If you read wikipedia as much as I do, you'll know that the tallest tree ever to exist was not a Giant Sequoia, but rather a Douglas-Fir.   After dinner, Phaux pointed us towards this arboronymous bar, in the Jupiter Hotel, which is also a semi-legendary music venue.   day_09-37

Shortly after arriving, three blondes from Seattle engaged us.  Cathleen and Kelsey are pictured below.

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Kelsey wanted to look tough, but I explained to her that the back-of-arm-jiggly stuff was not intimidating.

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Of course, hilarity ensues.  But not before I point out her little pea-sized head.

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We retreated to the warm fire outside ... where we met a musician who was actually rejected from playing at the Hotel Utah.  We will not be mentioning any names here, as she is not worthy.

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Phaux snaps some shots of the lovely interior ...

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There I am below on the right.  

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These girls were obnoxiously not funny or interesting, although they were cute.

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Okay, now that we have all the blondes in the picture below, I'll explain ... Shelly (the way too fake-and-bake on the far left) was on her way up to Vancouver.  At the border, the Canadian Border Patrol / RCMP denied Shelly access to their wonderful country.  She claimed it was because she had been convicted of a DUI a couple years prior.  Her friends told me that it was because she exceeded the Canadian limits on peroxide and bronzer.  Anyway, they decided to go to Portland instead and have a "Fuck Canada" party.  Then walks in this poor soul with a Canada t-shirt, who proceeded to get molested by the girls.  I guess they really did want to fuck Canada.

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The hipster shows her ink.  Babe, if you don't do some toning exercises, in a few years, that guy is going to be tall and fat.  

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Notice the ghostly paleness of the crowd here.  Portland gets approximately 4 days of sun each year, and residents are advised to stay indoors. 

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We like cleavage.  Everyone in our corner of the bar was staring at this girl's tata's ...

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Why I wore these retardo glasses, I'm not sure. 

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Phaux takes a picture of the girl taking a picture ... he says he loves the natural light, but I think he was going for an upskirt shot.

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We played throw the butt in the ashtray ... it took me two tries.   Soy el campion del mundo!!!!!!!

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Sisters: 

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Me trying to perform ear-o-lingus.  It didn't work.   But I got thrush in my ear.

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Acrylic moose head.  'Nuff said.

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More bar shots to close this out ...

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