Life Is A Road Trip

The Amazing Adventures of a Zoobroker and a Sentiographer


The universe exploded at the Doug Fir in Portland, OR

bars, fashion, girls, hotels, on the road, oregon, slappedzoobroker1 Comment

If you read wikipedia as much as I do, you'll know that the tallest tree ever to exist was not a Giant Sequoia, but rather a Douglas-Fir.   After dinner, Phaux pointed us towards this arboronymous bar, in the Jupiter Hotel, which is also a semi-legendary music venue.   day_09-37

Shortly after arriving, three blondes from Seattle engaged us.  Cathleen and Kelsey are pictured below.


Kelsey wanted to look tough, but I explained to her that the back-of-arm-jiggly stuff was not intimidating.


Of course, hilarity ensues.  But not before I point out her little pea-sized head.


We retreated to the warm fire outside ... where we met a musician who was actually rejected from playing at the Hotel Utah.  We will not be mentioning any names here, as she is not worthy.


Phaux snaps some shots of the lovely interior ...




There I am below on the right.  


These girls were obnoxiously not funny or interesting, although they were cute.


Okay, now that we have all the blondes in the picture below, I'll explain ... Shelly (the way too fake-and-bake on the far left) was on her way up to Vancouver.  At the border, the Canadian Border Patrol / RCMP denied Shelly access to their wonderful country.  She claimed it was because she had been convicted of a DUI a couple years prior.  Her friends told me that it was because she exceeded the Canadian limits on peroxide and bronzer.  Anyway, they decided to go to Portland instead and have a "Fuck Canada" party.  Then walks in this poor soul with a Canada t-shirt, who proceeded to get molested by the girls.  I guess they really did want to fuck Canada.


The hipster shows her ink.  Babe, if you don't do some toning exercises, in a few years, that guy is going to be tall and fat.  


Notice the ghostly paleness of the crowd here.  Portland gets approximately 4 days of sun each year, and residents are advised to stay indoors. 


We like cleavage.  Everyone in our corner of the bar was staring at this girl's tata's ...


Why I wore these retardo glasses, I'm not sure. 


Phaux takes a picture of the girl taking a picture ... he says he loves the natural light, but I think he was going for an upskirt shot.


We played throw the butt in the ashtray ... it took me two tries.   Soy el campion del mundo!!!!!!!




Me trying to perform ear-o-lingus.  It didn't work.   But I got thrush in my ear.


Acrylic moose head.  'Nuff said.


More bar shots to close this out ...