Saw some interesting art on the walls – crocheted portraits!

If you like, here is how to contact Jo Hamilton about the work.

I moseyed on over to Voodoo Donut (map) next…

And for the first time in my life, I was confused by donuts. The gal behind the counter guided me through this.

“Do you like bacon?”

“Yes.”

“Do you like Maple?”

“Yes.”

“OK – have this. It’s a Bacon Maple Donut.”

It was no joke. It was also delicious in a very hedonistic way.

Burger: Yes

Beer: Yes

Slow: Yes

Good: Yes

This was the Winter Burger:
1/2lb. Strawberry Mountain natural beef, Rogue Creamery Blue Cheese, Pancetta, grape tomato relish and butter lettuce

Yes, medium rare it was the most delicious burger I’ve had in many months.

Check out their menu for the other burger. Find Slow Bar on a map.

While Phaux was having a conversation of actual substance, I was pointing at this girl’s cleavage.

Not sure what this is all about.  I think I thought her nose was cute.  Maybe.

Her friends pick me up … this is going well …

I can’t resist looking at the cleavage some more …

The Carrie Underwood look-alike shows some tongue.

Matt and the cute bartender pose …

Soy el campion del mundo! I’m wearing  her friend’s jacket right now.

The cleavage girl tries to nibble on Phaux’s ear.

At this point, Phaux ditched me (and opportunities to photograph me molesting cleavage girl) because the blondes from the Doug Fir showed up and dragged him off to a lesbian dance party. Kelsey shows off her extremely strong thighs, dancing around the bottle of lotion.   Don’t ask me, I wasn’t there, I don’t understand, either.

Cathleen revives dance moves from 1994:

Kelsey rests … 

Kelsey starts looking at our website on her iPhone.   Phaux suddenly leaves …

This is “The Tallest Man On Earth”.  I saw him open for Two Gallants the day (or was it two days) after Christmas 2008.  He was royally fucked up.  Woo.  Anyway, I am taller than “The Tallest Man On Earth”.

Shortly after arriving, three blondes from Seattle engaged us.  Cathleen and Kelsey are pictured below.

Kelsey wanted to look tough, but I explained to her that the back-of-arm-jiggly stuff was not intimidating.

Of course, hilarity ensues.  But not before I point out her little pea-sized head.

We retreated to the warm fire outside … where we met a musician who was actually rejected from playing at the Hotel Utah.  We will not be mentioning any names here, as she is not worthy.

Phaux snaps some shots of the lovely interior …

There I am below on the right.  

These girls were obnoxiously not funny or interesting, although they were cute.

Okay, now that we have all the blondes in the picture below, I’ll explain … Shelly (the way too fake-and-bake on the far left) was on her way up to Vancouver.  At the border, the Canadian Border Patrol / RCMP denied Shelly access to their wonderful country.  She claimed it was because she had been convicted of a DUI a couple years prior.  Her friends told me that it was because she exceeded the Canadian limits on peroxide and bronzer.  Anyway, they decided to go to Portland instead and have a “Fuck Canada” party.  Then walks in this poor soul with a Canada t-shirt, who proceeded to get molested by the girls.  I guess they really did want to fuck Canada.

The hipster shows her ink.  Babe, if you don’t do some toning exercises, in a few years, that guy is going to be tall and fat.  

Notice the ghostly paleness of the crowd here.  Portland gets approximately 4 days of sun each year, and residents are advised to stay indoors. 

We like cleavage.  Everyone in our corner of the bar was staring at this girl’s tata’s …

Why I wore these retardo glasses, I’m not sure. 

Phaux takes a picture of the girl taking a picture … he says he loves the natural light, but I think he was going for an upskirt shot.

We played throw the butt in the ashtray … it took me two tries.   Soy el campion del mundo!!!!!!!

Sisters: 

Me trying to perform ear-o-lingus.  It didn’t work.   But I got thrush in my ear.

Acrylic moose head.  ’Nuff said.

More bar shots to close this out …

We walked from downtown …

all the way over to Broders Cafe. Saw some cool graffiti on the way, plus an inventive sign discouraging parking in a particular spot.

Zoo snapped this photo of me looking very introspective. I am thinking hard, but there is an edge of hunger in there.

Ah… Æbleskiver. Something my family (with no Scandinavian heritage) has been making since I was a wee lad. Yum, but not enough. They were delicious, though.

After kicking Zoo’s arse in Soul Caliber II, he said I should play the computer, so I kicked it’s ass and went 10 for 10, game over, won.

Going upstairs, I saw a pinball machine open – snapped a shot of its guts. Cool.

We’re silly. We’re fun. We’re happy.

We flick each other and throw things.

We laugh. We drink.

Zoo has a contest to see if any gals can point at his nipple.

Aw, it’s Reggie!

Zoo got slapped… again.

I, however, did not.

Zoo, however, instigated and received more slaps.

But he did reveal that he sits in as a drummer for Beirut…

Which was received with the Portland equivalent of a Bronx cheer.

Boo was shocked.

Zoo thought the best way to show off his purple hair was pushups.

So I figured the best way to show off my Mohawk was booth-to-booth pushups.

Rock on.

The legendary Terminator Stouts rolled in and in and in… not to mention seven’ish rounds of tequila.OMG… What a night. Thank you, friends :)