Life Is A Road Trip » zoobroker

Life Is A Road Trip is on Hiatus until 2012

zoobroker — Thu, 06 Jan 2011 19:44:08 +0000

We’ve got some other things going on for the time being, but we’ll have our batteries recharged for a big trip in 2012.

Casa Del Popolo

zoobroker — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 19:44:23 +0000

Just a quick update …. pics only. I’m worded out.

sleepy bye-byes

Blizzzzzzarts …

zoobroker — Wed, 22 Dec 2010 19:04:49 +0000

After the concert we checked out a few places in our search for Spencer Krug. We ended up at Blizzarts even though there is probably no way they’d let him in with his metaphors.

We ended up hanging with a birthday party. I’m going to pretend to not remember the rest:

the Rural Alberta Advantage @ il Motore

zoobroker — Wed, 22 Dec 2010 18:56:15 +0000

the RAA was our motivation for slogging the miles to Quebec in the dead of winter. Err, I guess technically very late autumn.

They’re awesome. I’d link you to some music of theirs, but I believe in your Google skills.

Yes, they have a bearded brown drummer. I thought I’d cornered the market on that shit, but alas, no.

Sometimes Life Is Not A Road Trip

zoobroker — Wed, 22 Dec 2010 18:44:51 +0000

Sometimes it’s a train trip and a plane trip. 3000 miles to see a band and hang out with your buddy that you haven’t seen in 6 months.

But it still feels like a road trip. It has that familiar sting:

This is what happens when you disparage the Quebecois. They are a feisty bunch.

This is the happy couple: we only remember Jean’s name.

Maddy’s for World Cup

zoobroker — Sun, 04 Jul 2010 17:09:21 +0000

Food, okay. World Cup, blah. Waitress’ ass, sort of great. Sorry, didn’t get a picture of that.

Neck Straightening Services available…

zoobroker — Sun, 04 Jul 2010 17:07:18 +0000

Not much to say about DC .. we visited a bunch of Dive Bars on night one … nothing spectacular. If you do have to be anywhere in the vicinity of Adams Morgan, we recommend the Toledo, where booze is cheap and the headlocks fierce.

Hot Brown and Ready to…

zoobroker — Sun, 04 Jul 2010 17:03:25 +0000

I don’t think we got a shot of the hotel’s exterior, but yes, when we went to Louisville, we just HAD to stay at the Brown Hotel. Not just because it has an awesome bourbon bar, but because one of the most important sandwiches in American history was invented there. Yes, it’s the Hot Brown, AKA the Louisville Hot Brown, or the Kentucky Hot Brown, or, as I’m trying to get it renamed, the Zoobroker.

Of course, how can you not start lunch with a flight of bourbon … Elijah Craig, Buffalo Trace, and something else that I don’t remember. That’s what happens when you have 3 bourbons before lunch.

This is a shot of the bar. The Brown Hotel itself, although a classic, is semi-mediocre, but the bar and the staff were wonderful.

And here it is, the Hot Brown. The sandwich. Mornay + Turkey + Bacon + Roasted Tomatoes + Parmesan + Texas Toast. Foodgasm.

Flying Saucer

zoobroker — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 19:04:45 +0000

After pool it was time to nosh … but my intestines couldn’t handle any more smoked meat. I’m pretty sure I have colon cancer right now.

So … we went with the healthy option of bratwurst.

We sat next to the nicest inter-island couple … Aimee from England (Arsenal fan, booooo) and Barry from Ireland (Liverpool fan, yaaaaay!). Super great kids who just got engaged whilst on a road trip of their own all around the states.

After we chowed down dinner, I went for the fake happy birthday for the fourth time, also a success. This time, it was Angela’s birthday too (urrr) …

After we revealed that it wasn’t really Matt’s birthday to Angela, I wasn’t her favorite person in the world, so Barry and I went off to shoot some billiards.

I did okay, but was no match for Barry, who had a sweet short throw.

After I returned to the table, I met Jenzi, Angela’s sister, a gorgeous, statuesque and devestatingly charming belle. This is me trying to equal her statue-worthy demeanor.

I just HAD to see how long those legs were, and Jenzi was nice enough to oblige … boy would I like to climb her tree.

I’m not sure if she realized that by throwing her leg up in my arms that she was giving me masturbation material for the month of July.

And now I can officially say I got picked up in a bar by a beautiful woman on the road trip.

I know what it looks like, but I am not feeling Jenzi up. Not even a little bit.

We had a little dance, but, sadly, my people were not made for salsa, despite what Jules might say. Thanks to Mara and Kevin for inspiring the spin into sitting on my knee move.

All in all a pretty great night. Sorry for games, Angela … we’ve got waaaaay more pictures if you want us to send some.

Beale Street Absinthe Room

zoobroker — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 18:37:26 +0000

Beale Street in Memphis is pretty annoying .. total tourist trap. We checked it out for a minute or two before finding a nearly dead pool hall on the second floor. I love pool halls that you can smoke in, but it’s a little strange they didn’t have even one draft beer. What they did have was Absynthe. Absynthe and billiards seems like a strange combination, but Matt made it work.

We were both rusty, we had one legit win in the first 6 games. I’m gonna go ahead and blame sobriety on that.

While were playing we met the nice folks at the table next to us. We got their names, but we only remember Megan, mostly because she was hot. Megan, if you’re out there, remember, we’ll totally spy on your boyfriend if necessary tonight.

Lambert’s Cafe – Home of the Throwed Rolls

zoobroker — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 14:31:47 +0000

http://www.throwedrolls.com/

I gotta say, we’ve got a nose for the good shit. Only yesterday our noses pointed us to the Sub Shop, and today, we pulled off the highway needing something to nosh on … and we stumbled into Lambert’s Cafe … home of the “throwed rolls” … when we walked in we knew we’d found a special place. Even though it’s in the middle of nowhere, they were packed … probably two hundred people, maybe more, were chewing down. Pretty simple southern cooking menu … but before the meal starts, a kid chucks hot rolls at you from across the room. Then, after your meal comes, a few kids walk around handing out additional sides. This is a place where you want to have a big appetite.

We will warn you, though, there appears to be some serious lack of branches on the family trees of the patrons here. At one point, we were uncomfortable with splitting up lest they kidnapped us and used us for sperm drips to insemenate their womenfolk.

Food was generally okay, the rolls were really good, mac and tomatoes was tasty, the mashed potatoes had the right mix of butter, potatoes and gravy … Robuchon would be proud.

Lots more pics after the break …

Moonrise Hotel

zoobroker — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 22:20:14 +0000

I mean, this hotel is convenient for the Delmar Loop, but it has a douche factor of 9.5. Especially the roof bar. Avoid other patrons like the swine flu.

Pin-Up Bowl, Part 2

zoobroker — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 22:18:33 +0000

We liked the good folks at Pin-up Bowl so much that we decided to go back after dinner at Blueberry Hill … I need a cigarette, so I’ll keep it quick: the crew was cool, except for the Ginger, who practically laid me out with her not-quite-playful smack … NOT THE EAR, BITCH! Just kidding, she was cool too. There was definitely some weird hyper sexual thing going on with people getting penetrated by a penis cutout, but hey, we don’t judge.

Matt had a small crush on the girl in the Hello Kitty t-shirt and a Wizard of Oz tattoo, who did not join us on our way to Memphis.

Blueberry Hill

zoobroker — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 22:14:07 +0000

I’m gonna let these pictures speak for themselves for the most part … Food Good, Beer Good, Fries Awesome, Cook is Chill, Guy Gets Pie In the Face on his last day of work, I suck at darts, Other guy has way too much time on his hands and is wasting toothpicks.

Pin-Up Bowl, Part 1

zoobroker — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 22:08:50 +0000

Derek, Matt and I found an honest to goodness liquor serving, smoking-indoors bowling alley that’s open ’till 3AM.

So we did what anyone would. We bowled.

I suck at bowling. After getting my ass handed to me in England a month or so ago, it was time to get schooled by Matt and Derek, who dueled over first and second while I tried to keep my balls out of the gutter.

St Louis Religious Bookends

zoobroker — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 22:04:55 +0000

Religion isn’t high on our list of things to check out on the road trip, but when I looked at the map of the Delmar Loop area, I couldn’t help but notice that it was bookended by two questionable religious institutions. Oh wait, questionable is redundant.

We didn’t get pictures of the Jehova’s Witness ~~Brainwashing Center~~ place of worship … but suffice to say we found it noteworthy that the main hipster drag was surrounded by proselytizing weirdness. Oh, and there’s a Starbucks.

Are you smarter than a 19 year old Hooter’s waitress?

zoobroker — Sun, 20 Jun 2010 19:03:50 +0000

Probably not. We met our pal Derek at a Hooters in the middle of nowhere and we discovered that Andrea basically was not only smoking hot jailbait, but could do definite integrals — that’s calculus — and new more about biology as well.

Yum.

Sandwiches Around the Eastern US

zoobroker — Sun, 20 Jun 2010 18:17:52 +0000

We just stopped at the Sub Shop in Columbia, MO on our way to St. Louis, and it got me thinking about the various combinations of bread and meat you can get around the US. So I put together a handy visual guide that might help you on your travels.

For the record, we had pizza in Wichita.

Sub Shop – Columbia, Missouri

zoobroker — Sun, 20 Jun 2010 15:42:53 +0000

There’s not a lot more we can say, except that when you’re pulling off the highway for lunch … always go local. This place totally satisfied … solid subs, great service. I’d highly recommend the Italian.

Missouri Ranch Names?

zoobroker — Sun, 20 Jun 2010 14:06:26 +0000

Well, we were just wondering how these roads got named. Anyone know for sure?

Kansas CIty – Buzzard Beach

zoobroker — Sun, 20 Jun 2010 03:40:01 +0000

Of all the nights for Matt to leave his camera at home, I’ve got to regret this very memorable night.

We walked to the bar closest to our hotel which was the chav-iest place you can imagine — America’s Pub. They patted Matt down and then told us there was a cover. When we declined and started to walk away, Matt thanked the doorman for the pat down. The doorman’s sidekick responded with “faggot!” — which is only noteworthy because it is the first time in Matt’s life that he’s been called that.

Anyway, we ended up spotting the Chimay sign outside of Buzzard Beach, and went up for a drink. It’s got a great smoking balcony, great beer selection, and a wonderful relaxed crowd. I got the whole bar to sing Matt happy birthday again, and after, we met Lola, below, who drank and chatted with us for a while …

Here we are with Lola trying to do the KC gang sign … I don’t know how I got so turned around.

Anyway, as it happens, the owner of the bar, Sam, had his birthday the next day, so we all ended up doing shots and hanging out with him and Bill who, we think, was the president of the neighborhood association or something like that. There’s more to the story, you’ll just have to hear it direct from us.

Anyway, if you’re passing through Kansas City, definitely check it out … great place, great people.

Wichita, KS – Old Town

zoobroker — Sat, 19 Jun 2010 02:54:13 +0000

If the 70’s are new to you, come to Wichita, KS!

We walked the entire Old town before settling on Old Chicago.

This picture of our waitress Aimee does not do justice to the talent of midwestern tanning salons … pure orange goodness!

Then we headed down to the Pump House.

There was a cover band playing some solid 80’s hits … so I asked the lead singer (Amanda) to do a birthday song for Matt. They called him up and played “Ready For The Party” …

… which amazingly got 3 girls up for a pretty awesome chair dance …

… then a fourth girl, Jennifer AKA JC joined the fun …

Then JC and I got to lick one of the dancer’s (Allie’s) belly .. yum, Freebird.

We had to blackout Allie’s face. Apprarently she’s wanted in North Carolina.

Not sure exactly what I’m doing here, but yes, this is a girl for those who are wondering.

Sorry that the first nipples shown on the site are mine, but ya gotta do whatcha gotta do. Blame Matt for hitting the shutter a second too early.

And this is sweeeeeeeet, sweet Natalie, sister to Allie, slightly less wild, slighty more sober, but quite a charmer.

Guero’s in Austin, TX

zoobroker — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 16:56:48 +0000

I’ve been to Guero’s a couple times before … I’d have to say it’s probably some of the best tex-mex I’ve ever had … Matt popped his Guero’s cherry — some shots of our food follow.

Have the queso, don’t ask questions. Just eat it fast.

Austin’s Chupacabra

zoobroker — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 03:47:02 +0000

We stumbled into the (la?) Chupacabra for some tex mex and man, had a great meal and a great bartender … fantastic.

Matt had the burrito …

I had the West Texas enchiladas …

Shared the awesome pulled-pork stuffed jalapeno poppers …

And this is Michael cheersing with Fernet … best service we’ve had on the road trip thus far.

Burning Brown Man #2

zoobroker — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 03:09:18 +0000

We’re simple guys … we’ve got simple needs. BBQ, beer, girls, and … burning shit on camera.

We spent a day up at Buchanan Lake near Tow, TX, trying to get one shot … first there’s a vid of the early part of our setup:

This is a test shot of the scale-model skeleton …

This is the first burn test …

This is me attaching the fuse to the skeleton …

This is the first long exposure test with the front lighting…

Sometime around now, matt’s box flash took a spill in the drink (a pretty scummy pond), followed by his Nikon D700 taking a nasty fall in the mud.

This was the unintended result, a bit overexposed, eh? Well, we were outta time, outta patience and just a li’l bit frustrated. Oh well.

Austin’s Jackalope

zoobroker — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 03:41:44 +0000

We spent some time in downtown Austin and returned to the Jackalope Bar three times, partly because everything else downtown is douchy and partly because Kristie Bell ain’t shit. Oh, inside jokes, we love ‘em.

The brown trash in me cannot help from ordering Buffalo Chicken Tenders anytime they are on the menu.

This waitress was pretty trashy hot, sorta like a not totally fucked up Amy Winehouse …

Yes, there is a 7 foot Jackalope in the middle of the bar.

This is Kristie Bell, and she really ain’t shit.

The band was pretty good, but the harp player was pretty bad. He was also sorta a unfunny douche.

BBQ 4: Willy Ray’s in Beaumont, TX

zoobroker — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 16:33:02 +0000

You know, for a barbecue tour, we’re not actually eating that much barbecue … today is day 5 and we’ve only had 4 barbecue meals … partly because I had to have some Cajun and Creole food in NOLA, but also because our colons can only handle so much.

Anyway, we stopped at Willy Ray’s … great selection of bbq. Great ribs, good pork sausage and brisket. I’d maybe avoid the venison sausage next time. Sides were a little weaker.

New Orleans – Night 1

zoobroker — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 20:35:09 +0000

It was a second visit for both of us to Pat O’Briens in New Orleans …

Humidity fogged Matt’s lens … Voodoo fountain – fire and water.

Pat O’Brien’s is famous for its Hurricane … a fruity concoction of rum, passion fruit, grenadine, lemon and lime … You’ll never catch me outside of NOLA with one of these, but damn, they’re good.

We ran into Charity and Drew, and I inadvertently smacked Drew in the head while gesticulating wildly … oops. Drew was interviewing to teach Social Studies, but lives in Portland. Charity lives in Baton Rouge and came down special to see Drew … I sensed passion brewing and tried to work the wingman magic …

What you won’t see below is exactly how far Drew got with Charity. You will not of pictures of them making out. You will not see pictures of Charity flashing the bar, and motorboating the shit outta Drew. You will definitely not see a picture of them walking out hand in hand.

Oh, and we got burgers … Matt’s was Peanut Butter and Bacon. Really. Apparently did not suck, cuz it disappeared in about 32 seconds.

Ted the bartender flashing his gang signs … great guy, great drinks, destroyed us in quarters … he’s a shark.

Above, for our last stop, we ran into Carl at Molly’s at the Market .. after 12 shots of rum, 1 shot of jamesons, a shot of tequila and a pimm’s cup, it got a little hazy …

No Oil Yet… Perhaps the last swimmer at Pensacola Beach

zoobroker — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 20:05:55 +0000

Matt went for a swim when we checked out Pensacola … I can’t get into how fucked up the situation is …

It looks like the oil’s gonna hit tomorrow …

BBQ 3: Pineapple Willy’s

zoobroker — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 19:33:57 +0000

Last night, in Charleston, I almost kept up with Matt’s seemingly endless capacity for barbecue. Alas, tonight, I was defeated and had to go with the fried chicken basket … I’m blaming it on the 30oz margarita. Anyway, Pineapple Willy’s produced some good ribs, meat melting off the bone, but the sauce was lacking a bit …

Sometimes We’re Oblivious …

zoobroker — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 16:02:09 +0000

Yeah, we’re visiting the Gulf right as oil comes ashore … but we have an explanation:

… Anyway, we’re headed to Pensacola to survey the damage.

Night Shots: Beach Bums, Fireworks, and the Burning Brown Man

zoobroker — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 16:01:21 +0000

We picked up some fireworks on the way through Georgia and thought we’d put them to good use on the beach. Our cab driver (not the one named Yoda — no I’m not kidding) let us know that fireworks + beach = jail, along with suggestions on how to use an M80 to deter would-be home invaders.

Anyway, we did the obligatory sparkler writing, followed by Matt’s fire dancing, and finally decided to appease the natives and set me on fire with 30 feet of fuse … check out the pics below!

Panama City Pictures, White Trash Omitted

zoobroker — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 15:46:24 +0000

How you survive a ninety minute wait for BBQ …

zoobroker — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 00:42:11 +0000

Caitlynn’s Bloody Mary Mix

zoobroker — Sun, 13 Jun 2010 23:26:56 +0000

Ooops, we forgot … last night Caitlynn offered us her super secret Bloody Mary Recipe … here ya go!

4 oz Zing Zany Bloody Mary Mix
1 oz Guinness
1 oz Lime Juice
1 oz Lemon Juice
2 oz Absolute Peppar or other peppered vodka
Tabasco to taste
1 clue that your boyfriend is cheating on you

Miami Will Have To Wait

zoobroker — Sun, 13 Jun 2010 20:24:15 +0000

Headed out thinking that Tampa was our most likely destination … but after looking at the map & calendar, we’re rerouting to Panama City to check out the oil spill. And by oil spill I mean the aftermath of a weekend of drunk skanks spilling suntan lotion.

Anyway, here some shots from the road … we got caught in pretty serious thunderstorm just before Tallahassee and pulled over for a few … we could barely see 50 feet at one point. Anyway, we’re a few minutes behind schedule but with Matt at the wheel, we’ll make it up pretty quick.

Later, Georgia, you just don’t rate.

Burn’s Alley, Charleston, SC

zoobroker — Sun, 13 Jun 2010 14:33:55 +0000

You know those vacations that you plan with your friends for weeks … every ~~strip-club~~ restaurant, every ~~cougar haunt~~ museum, every last detail … you’re doing it wrong. Seriously, just stop planning so much.

Well, I do say, Dr. Suess + William Shakespeare FTW.

When this is the sign for the bar you’re walking in, you’ve done it right.

When this many fake ID’s have been confiscated, there’s bound to be some jailbait around … thank you gods of the road trip!

We met Caitlynn (above) at the bar, which was well tended by TJ (below) … Caitlynn had some spectacular freckles …

A pretty reasonable cover band (wish we knew their name) gave us some tunes … notably a passable cover of Radiohead’s “Weird Fishes / Arpeggi”.

Laughing + Smoking …

And then, no surprise how the night ended …

Leaving Charleston …

zoobroker — Sun, 13 Jun 2010 14:08:33 +0000

Seriously, we are not equipped for the heat … and it’s just gonna get worse.

Liftoff!

zoobroker — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 21:39:04 +0000

Well, after a little drama where my friend’s honeymoon in Bora Bora got cancelled due to a strike in Tahiti and I had to reroute their whole trip to Ixtapa, we’re headed down south. Check in regularly and hopefully we’ll have some gems for you soon…

30 days on the road …

zoobroker — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 01:37:27 +0000

The trip starts for me tomorrow … and the way it’s scheduled, I’m on the road for 30 days straight.

The official road trip doesn’t start until the 11th … look for updates starting around then …

In the meantime, enjoy this tip of the day:

Things You Can Slice With An Egg Slicer

Eggs
Mushrooms
Strawberries
Pieces of Banana
Boiled Potatoes

Things You Cannot Slice With an Egg Slicer

Apples
Zucchini*
Raw Potatoes*

*Not actually tested, because it broke on the apple.

Not Nearly Enough Data

zoobroker — Fri, 28 May 2010 00:18:06 +0000

I was thinking about shit the last few days — mostly about how much people suck — but I realized that one aspect of me (ever since we killed the pushup chart and the cigarette chart) that isn’t well reflected here on lifeisaroadtrip.com is my obsession with “the numbers”.

Forget the whole “truth, lies, statistics” b.s. I’m not trying to simplify the world just cuz I can’t comprehend or don’t appreciate its complexity. But numbers, simple or not, can provide insight into what we’re dealing with.

Anyway, this is what I was thinking yesterday … when I tell people I’m going on 18 day road trip .. they’re generally like “cool, I wish I could go on a road trip, where ya goin’?”.

Me: “All over the south. Fort Smith, Arkansas. Mobile, Alabama. Lexington, Kentucky. Places like that.”

Them: “Durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Lexington?”

So this is what I’ve come up with:

If you’re in the big red circle, I don’t want to ever, ever talk to you. I realize that’s not a great Venn diagram, but suck it. What I’m trying to say is, if you only want to visit the “cool” cities (e.g., NY, LA, Miami, Chicago, Vancouver) you’re barely travelling. If you haven’t already figured it out, travelling is a state of mind, and most of the world’s reknowned cities are basically the same place … the cool shit exists in the margins.

Anyway, I’m gonna go data heavy this trip … jst cuz.

Valley of Fire

zoobroker — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 21:13:19 +0000

Las Vegas sits in the middle of some of the most beautiful terrain this country has to offer. And most of the millions of fucking tourists never see it. It’s like they say, “ooh shiny! oooh tits! ooh buffet!” and while they’re inundated by fake they quickly lose their hold on reality.

I mean, fuck, I like shiny. I like tits. I love the fucking buffet. So we struggle to remain even sort of rooted, so getting the fuck outta Dodge is a requirement. We headed to the Valley of Fire. If we didn’t have shit to do, I’d rework the 23rd Psalm to my purposes. Alas, I’m just gonna drop a teaser. We went with friends of Phaux … maybe more on them another time. Good people.

Sometimes I think we should rename this blog Proof Of Future Cancer with all the smoking that’s captured on film. Anyway, Phaux, thanks for the ego-porn.

Yeah, this a road. It screams Moto Guzzi commercial. Except we were driving a Kia. But everytime we parked it, it looked like one of those depressing mini-van commercials that consoles both men and women about the depressing sterility and banality of their existence by saying, “You will not always be changing dirty diapers in the living room watching SportsCenter, sometimes you will be changing dirty diapers in the the desert.”

So, this is the kind of shit that you get when you take 3 awesome photographers to the desert … serious ego porn.

These were taken with a IR-modified Canon G9, which for some reason turns my clean shaven face into very strange 5 o’clock shadow, sort of like the oldest brother on Party of Five. You know, the guy who became the doc on Lost? Don’t you think it’s strange that when he’s living on Alamo Square with running water and Walgreen’s within walking distance he never could shave, but when he gets on the semi-deserted island in the middle of Pacific, he actually is Wall Street clean shaven? Weird. Oh, yeah, that’s a knife. Not the Global, but hey.

That’s Sylvester. Photographer-slash-Art Director. That’s my grill going in the background. Cowboy cheesesteaks, rosemary pork tenderloin au poivre, asparagus. That’s why they let me tag along.

I hate to tease all of you with this shot … but pretty sick, huh? And that’s not even the best shot. God I just creamed myself.

Vegas usually annoys the piss out of me …

zoobroker — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 20:29:01 +0000

… seriously. It’s full of cheeseball douchebag wanna-be brainless fashion victims. It annoys me so much that normally I go windmill tilting and try to annoy it right back, but that has generally ended badly — like, my-friend-covered-in-a-third-party’s-blood badly — so I thought, okay, this time I’m going to play nice …

.. apparently, I didn’t play nice enough …

… I really don’t get why women take so much pleasure in hurting me, but moving on … we headed downtown with every intention of shooting some pictures of Fremont, when I saw:

… it screamed “road trip classic”, I just knew that this was my bar …

… minus the tila tequila wanna-be, pictured below …

… great locals joint. Sexy women, cheap tequila, midget twins … can you really lose? Well, apparently I can …

… I guess I offended her by wiping off the copious lipstick … we did make up after that …

.. right before her husband, who was there the whole time, made his appearence … oops .. I guess “I’m here with my girlfriends” means something else in Vegas.

Almost back to NYC!

zoobroker — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 18:35:28 +0000

Thanks, everyone for dropping by! Sorry we didn’t post much during the trip, but we’ll add some more Chicago and Pittsburgh info soon!

Let’s Party!

zoobroker — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 02:22:06 +0000

This is a pic of the folks remaining at 10 o’clock, after some of the less spry guests departed:

Not actually at the party, but the wedding party took these classic Fords to the Reception. As far as I’m concerned, these were the last great American cars! (Just kidding!)

The obligatory coordinated dancing rigamarole:

Andrew Schmale, the Ring Bearer, lets loose:

The best man, the bride and groom agree to let me do my superman impression. Whoever grabbed my package, THANKS!

Mara’s mom

zoobroker — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 00:17:51 +0000

Now, I have to say, all of the parents were great. We got to speak at length to both Kevin and Mara’s mothers, but Mara’s Mom, Deb, invited us to sit next to her at the reception. What a wonderful, loving woman. If Mara is half as lovely as her mom is, Kevin is the luckiest man of our generation.

She did me the great honor of allowing me a dance:

Rich Quick Is a Curmudgeon

zoobroker — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 23:11:27 +0000

This guy’s first words to me: “I seen a fella walking up my driveway, and I say to myself, boy that guys got quite a tan! I’m not racist or anything.”

Followed by: “Those damn Polacks are stubborn sunnabitches.”

Followed by: “I don’t care what color yer skin is, I love them hooters!”

Joe & The Groomsmen

zoobroker — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 22:02:15 +0000

No, not the hottest band in Michigan (although it wouldn’t be suprising).

Joe was the Best Man, and great fun all night. He had the unenviable job of following up the Maid of Honor’s tear-jerker, which better not happen to me next Spring.

The Speech

It was so good his head got big (that’s what you get with a wide angle lens, stop being so damn tall!)

Introducing the Konings …

zoobroker — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 21:55:14 +0000

We barely know Mara. We didn’t even remember Kevin’s name until Mara reminded us via text 24 hours before the event. In any case, what a spectacular couple. I suspect that in another life, Mara would have been a fellow Life-Is-A-Road-Tripper and Kevin would be a regular at Sunday Poker Night. When two strange men crash your wedding at the behest of the bride, a lot of grooms would go into a full blown jealous passive aggressive meltdown. Kevin didn’t miss a beat. It probably helps that he’s a lot better looking than either of us. And Mara? After that bachelorette party, we tried to suss out if Mara was at all serious. I mean, drunken BS aside, there are a lot of reasons that you don’t want two semi-unbalanced road trippers at your wedding.

The First Dance

The Spin Into Kiss

Once a Girl Scout, Always a Girl Scout

Both times I’ve met Mara, she’s been wearing a sash. Strange.

Neither Vince Vaughn or Owen Wilson …

zoobroker — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 20:49:57 +0000

… but not too shabby.

For those just joining us, these are your wedding crashers du jour …

Phaux in the ‘Always Slimming All Black’:

Zoobroker in the trey:

The Wedding Is On …

zoobroker — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 20:29:15 +0000

Really. We. Are. Here. Ok, for those who haven’t been following the story along the way, here’s the deal. We met Mara a few weeks ago — on the night of her bachelorette party. She was winding down the night with her possibly nymphomaniac neighbor, Vicky, by having pizza at Two Boots. At Midnight. Sober. What kind of bachelorette party is that? Crickette, Phaux and I remedied this by pouring shots of tequila down everyone’s throat. Until 3:30. At which point the concerned fiancee, Kevin, shows up, as his future bride has been incommunicado for 3 hours. He could have quite rightly given us the “Who the fuck are you guys?” but he joined the festivities for a shot, and at some point Mara flippantly invites us to the wedding. I’m sure she thought we’d never show up — but she hasn’t visited lifeisaroadtrip.com before.

So, we’re here. Here’s the happy couple …

Tons of pictures after the break

Mara, Mom & Dad

7 fifths of the wedding party.

The groomsmen (in sandals)

The Kiss

Gorgeous …

The Bagpiper

Dodging Rice

Off They Go!

Almost there …

zoobroker — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 17:28:16 +0000

We put the hammer down, and for legal purposes we can’t say exactly how fast we were going, but we suspect it may involve time travel. In fact, we found time to take a wrong turn and end up on Lake Michigan .. which is more impressive than one might think, but still not impressive enough to convince anyone to stay in Michigan.

Oh, for fucks sake …

zoobroker — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 12:21:12 +0000

Forgot that we lose an hour crossing between Illinois and Indiana. At this pace, we’re going to get there with about 15 minutes to get ready and get to the wedding. I wonder, can I shave and change into a three piece suit IN the car?

Yes, We’re Really Going.

zoobroker — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 11:17:37 +0000

It’s 7:15 am, we’ve got 6 hours to make it to Glen Arbor … should get there with plenty of time to get ready for the wedding … goodbye Chicago!

Reminder to Self

zoobroker — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 13:34:52 +0000

Cleveland sucks. Ohio might entirely suck. It’s one big hairy butt club!

RT4: Zoo’s Closing Thoughts

zoobroker — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 19:59:34 +0000

I’ve said this before, but road trips, like life, are unforgiving. You get one shot at a city, to make the most of it, and then you’ve moved on. Your mistakes and your successes are amplified.

This was a pretty sedate road trip. I was more introspective than a good road trip partner should be, with long quiet stretches. Part of that was because I didn’t really take that quiet time for myself in the weeks leading up to the trip. But Phaux was built with the emotional sense to let me be. Thank you, Phaux.

I’ve been to all the places we visited on our road trip … this time we took a different path to get there. Even the drive to Whistler was repaved for our travels — Fuck it, I’m sick of metaphor and aphorism. I can’t even continue with that thought. Vomit.

The posts … those events that reached some level of noteworthiness … only tell part of the story … these were my highlights:

I like your parts more than you like mine.
The last time I was down this road … I was in love.
Who knew hairspray could provide so much amusement (read comments)
Who knew I had worn those jeans for 7 days?
Enjoy my awesome leather jacket .. it’s yours now.

Phaux, thanks for being an awesome friend, for picking up the slack when I was letting it loose. Of any cohort (who I’m not going to have sex with) I could choose for a road trip, the mohawked sentographer is certainly the best. RT4 is in the books. Already looking forward to the Great Lakes.

The universe exploded at the Doug Fir in Portland, OR

zoobroker — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 03:27:43 +0000

If you read wikipedia as much as I do, you’ll know that the tallest tree ever to exist was not a Giant Sequoia, but rather a Douglas-Fir. After dinner, Phaux pointed us towards this arboronymous bar, in the Jupiter Hotel, which is also a semi-legendary music venue.

Shortly after arriving, three blondes from Seattle engaged us. Cathleen and Kelsey are pictured below.

Kelsey wanted to look tough, but I explained to her that the back-of-arm-jiggly stuff was not intimidating.

Of course, hilarity ensues. But not before I point out her little pea-sized head.

We retreated to the warm fire outside … where we met a musician who was actually rejected from playing at the Hotel Utah. We will not be mentioning any names here, as she is not worthy.

Phaux snaps some shots of the lovely interior …

There I am below on the right.

These girls were obnoxiously not funny or interesting, although they were cute.

Okay, now that we have all the blondes in the picture below, I’ll explain … Shelly (the way too fake-and-bake on the far left) was on her way up to Vancouver. At the border, the Canadian Border Patrol / RCMP denied Shelly access to their wonderful country. She claimed it was because she had been convicted of a DUI a couple years prior. Her friends told me that it was because she exceeded the Canadian limits on peroxide and bronzer. Anyway, they decided to go to Portland instead and have a “Fuck Canada” party. Then walks in this poor soul with a Canada t-shirt, who proceeded to get molested by the girls. I guess they really did want to fuck Canada.

The hipster shows her ink. Babe, if you don’t do some toning exercises, in a few years, that guy is going to be tall and fat.

Notice the ghostly paleness of the crowd here. Portland gets approximately 4 days of sun each year, and residents are advised to stay indoors.

We like cleavage. Everyone in our corner of the bar was staring at this girl’s tata’s …

Why I wore these retardo glasses, I’m not sure.

Phaux takes a picture of the girl taking a picture … he says he loves the natural light, but I think he was going for an upskirt shot.

We played throw the butt in the ashtray … it took me two tries. Soy el campion del mundo!!!!!!!

Sisters:

Me trying to perform ear-o-lingus. It didn’t work. But I got thrush in my ear.

Acrylic moose head. ’Nuff said.

More bar shots to close this out …

Day 5: Banff Nightlife … Penetration Achieved

zoobroker — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 18:51:03 +0000

When I lived in Banff in 2000, I came to love this place like almost no other place on earth. I remember crying when I left that spring for the last time. Part of it was the girl (Yes, Kaylee, you), part of it was the house (Gus, Guy, Christie, Eric, Krissy, Jane, Margeaux, Julie and, sometimes, Chris), and part of it was how the town brought out smiles and love in everyone who came through, whether or not they were tourists, residents, or temporary workers.

Last night brought back those memories … what a night. Where to start …

We tried to go to the St. James Gate, but the line was not moving. While we were in line, this cute blonde was smoking behind us, by herself. More on her later.

Instead of waiting in the not-quite-bitter-but-still-scrotum-tightening cold (which makes me wonder, are scrotums and nipples made of the same stuff?), we headed to the Rose and Crown, a faux English pub.

Yes, it’s St. Patrick’s Day, and we’re celebrating it in an English Pub. Oh Well. Much, much more after the break…

We played pool for a bit … won our first game, got destroyed the second time around, by Agrologists. Is that the science of being Agro?

We also talked to the only other non-Asian minorities in Banff.

When the one man show started, we didn’t know what to expect. In the end, this guy was funny, talented, and rockin’.

The crowd swelled and we were now in a very warm, very packed bar.

About that time, I noticed a super cute blonde at the turn by the stage. She was sitting with a slightly less cute friend, AKA the grenade. I took Phaux out for a cigarette, and explained to him that his duty as a wingman was to fall on the aforementioned grenade. At this point, we re-evaluated the grenade, and determined that she was in fact a mortar shell.

Anyway, this is Phaux finishing doing the worm to an Irish Jig, in order to impress our targets. Take that, River Dance!

Shortly thereafter, I did the superman across the laps of our targets.

The mortar shell did not explode on impact, but started ticking.

The girls kiss … now the question becomes, is this an opportunity for a three-and-a-half-some?

I believe that her arms are thicker than my legs.

This is actually the cute one …

Using the headband as a prophylactic … Am I Macguyver or what?

Some other drunk annoying girl tried to enter the mix and was denied.

I got a little too fresh and Leslie revealed that she had a boyfriend. Ugh.

After I playfully rubbed a dirty bar rag in her face, she returned the favor …

Followed by straw sillyness … at this point we’ve each had a few beers, a couple shots of Jamesons, and about 4 Jagerbombs. Yikes.

We show off our Rock Band skills ..

Unfortunately, I am not that flexible.

I promised penetration .. and here it is .. full on nostril-rape.

Delectable!

Apparently, the nostril-rape was a big hit …

That was the last we saw of those two (well, almost …) … but after a quick smoke, we ran into the blonde, Haley, who was in line (at the beginning of the post, keep up!). Her friend with the faux-plastic-barbie look was less memorable.

Phaux found a new object of his affection, Holly, with an H.

Haley goes for the nuzzle.

Then Holly looked like she was going to collapse, so we high tailed it back to our hotel before we got accused of dropping roofies.

When I got back to the hotel, I realized I still had Leslie’s ring … oops.

Awesome night … thank you gods of the road trip, you came through again.

Day 4: GPS

zoobroker — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 23:19:32 +0000

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Day 3: Dinner In Kamloops, Frick and Fracks

zoobroker — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 04:59:57 +0000

At the request of the original subject and acquaintances, we’ve decided to enact a little revisionist history. We do not ever intend to hurt anyone’s feelings, but sometimes in the pursuit of opening other people’s eyes to the expansive possibilities in the world, my vigorous methods of description and interaction are mistaken for something they are not.

1) We choose what we publish.
2) We respect other people, but sincerely desire that you all take a moment to push aside the veil and see what not allowing others’ beliefs to form yours is freedom.

Without further adieu, here is the post edited to allow people to remain in their own personal comfort zone, with their bad hair and d-bag boyfriends.

Kamloops is not the most picturesque town in Canada (see bottom picture). It’s not even in the top 50. It’s surrounded by great geographical beauty, tho. Anyway, we wandered around town for a few minutes (more on this tomorrow), and ended up at Frick and Frack’s, a sort of world-cuisine take on TGIFs, with a huge beer list. Phaux didn’t take too any pictures of the food or the beer, because we were a little too enthralled with the bartender, previously shown above reclining on her bar.

After that picture, you might get the wrong idea when I said I enjoyed eating at the bar. People, get your minds out of the gutter

Day 3: GPS

zoobroker — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 23:18:51 +0000

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Day 3: Another great road … Whistler To Kamloops

zoobroker — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 19:01:45 +0000

So we took 99 to 97 from Whistler to Kamloops, and I have to say, although it wasn’t as remote as our previous “Greatest Roads On Earth”, it was certainly a beautiful drive, even on a dreary day.

The whole road is basically an avalanche or falling rock or flood zone. Beware.

Day 3: Wild Horses Couldn’t Drag Us Away

zoobroker — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 18:57:53 +0000

So we’re driving on this beautiful remote road through BC on our way to Kamloops, and we see:

They stood there for a sec, wondering why we thought we had the right of way. I started making “Elmer’s” comments, and they ran off.

Day 3: The powder is insane. My skills: not so much.

zoobroker — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 17:54:46 +0000

But Phaux still managed to make me look pretty good.

Day 3: Reminder To Not Rent Ski Equipment

zoobroker — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 16:51:51 +0000

Phaux had some issues with his boots, and was very nearly crying his way down the mountain. Kids, When it comes to a road trip, just bring your stuff from home, do not rent. You will have way more fun.

Day 3: Breakfast and Jailbait

zoobroker — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 15:46:17 +0000

Yummm, jailbait. It does a body good. So we went to the Longhorn Saloon for apres ski on Day 2 and it was not really noteworthy. Mostly because we were hesitant to admit that the place was just too loud for us. I guess that means we’re getting old. Anyway, we returned the Longhorn for breakfast between runs, and ya know, it was all right. It was made especially all right by our sexy, if way under 21 server. Yikes. Did we mention that the drinking age in BC is 19. Lots of trouble, trust me.

Phaux, how could you not get a picture of her skirt??!?

Day 3: Morning Ski in Whistler

zoobroker — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 15:29:47 +0000

I have been underwhelmed by Whistler the past few times that I’ve been up here. Possibly because I had a blowout fight with one girl a long time ago, and the last time the girl I was seeing broke her arm on day 1 of our trip. Ugh. Anyway, today all of those memories were replaced by scenes of misty powder and a gorgeous mountain day. Wow.

Day 2: GPS

zoobroker — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 23:18:50 +0000

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Night 1: Who Knows What Happens After I Go To Sleep

zoobroker — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 17:36:29 +0000

I started getting sick last night … I think I sneezed about 50 times over the course of the night. So around midnight, I headed back to the hotel while Phauxtog went out in the rain and took some pictures. Or so he said. When I woke up this morning, I noticed this …

He claims that he “fell down”, but we welcome your theories in the comments. Gross.

David Lam Park and Elixir in Vancouver

zoobroker — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 01:57:40 +0000

I just can’t get away! I did have a strange reaction at the park, though.

Day1: Timelapse, Seattle to Vancouver

zoobroker — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 01:53:04 +0000

RT4 Day 01 – Seattle to Vancouver from Sir Arthur SpamZalot on Vimeo.

Day 1: A Slight Misunderstanding At The Border

zoobroker — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 18:31:09 +0000

No worries, we got everything straightened out …

Day 1: Breakfast at Voula’s

zoobroker — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 17:29:22 +0000

After a quick stop at Matt’s buddy’s awesome studio, we headed to Voula’s Offshore Cafe on the say so of his (the buddy’s) lead assistant / weatherman … the producer / marketeer at the studio gave us the heads up as to what exactly to order, and we followed her advice.

Voula’s is in a part of town that someone said was the University District, but it seemed more like folks working the the marine industries, no university in sight. This is just a perfect greasy spoon. Simple, hearty, and famous for a dish called “the Hobo”, which is a mess of hash browns, eggs, sausage, peppers, mushrooms, onions, topped with cheddar cheese. It was awesome, but a couple more of those and there goes the boyish figure.

What was funny is that this place was featured on the Food Network’s road trip show, “Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives” … out of all the breakfast places we could have ended up at.

Definitely worth the stop, and maybe another on our way out.

Day 0: Bar Roundup

zoobroker — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 16:16:43 +0000

Before Phauxtog arrived, I ended up walking around Downtown and Belltown and checked out a few bars …

The Tap Room: 160 beers on tap, heavily skewed towards North America. This is not a place to go to pick up women, but an okay place to catch a game. Had some popcorn shrimp, eh, not bad, not great.

Whiskey Bar: Wanna-be hipster dive (it’s hard to be a real dive if you’ve only been open for 5 years). Awesome Whiskey selection — they had the Yamazaki. Bartender Christie (or maybe Chrissy?) was cool and friendly. Patrons discussing their baby-momma, scoffing at homeless people, Spanish speaking people, and other relatively retarded conversation.

Casablanca: How can a bar in a city be totally dead on a Thursday night. Lame.

Shorty’s: Now we’re getting there. Hipster bar that Melissa B took me to in after our “meeting” in January ‘06. Pinball, Hamm’s, cute patrons. Good place to throw back a few.

Juju: I stepped outside of Shorty’s and ran into Mantero, a psuedo-homeless guy who pointed me at Uma and Amanda (pictures of the latter to follow). I actually left my beer at Shorty’s to join the rubicund Uma and sort of contrarian Amanda. The drinks were top notch, muddled lime gimlet was just about perfect. Sort of felt like Elixir North.

1 down, 159 to go …

zoobroker — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 03:44:33 +0000

Lots of beer, no women. The Tap House, downtow Seattle. Pass one round …

Pre rt4 hijinx …

zoobroker — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 03:44:32 +0000

I just couldn’t wait to pull out the “zoobroker” line!

Quinquagesimus

zoobroker — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 04:34:45 +0000

There was a time when I had a list of things I wanted to accomplish in my life. A bucket-list … I called it “my 50″. I dragged myself through that list for the past decade, laying the bricks of my edification and education. The bricks — the places I had to see, the books I had to read, the accomplishments I had to conquer — were kilned and lain steadily in the hope that I would be something more than I was.

But as I started to empty the list faster than I could add to it, I still had an inconsolable emptiness. It was the emptiness of knowing that I was less than I had ever hoped to be. So I paused the list. I took a different tact, and embraced an ascetic life, a quiet and mundane existence. I left behind those things that others might have seen as an extraordinary life and replaced them with the daily repetition of the ordinary.

I found a girl, lived in one little city, worked a somewhat regular schedule, hung out in the local bar. I had date night, poker night, bar night, my phone time with a few friends around the country.

Eliminating the constant distractions let me see that it was not the bricks that mattered, but the mortar. The people who accompanied me for all those accomplishments. The opportunities for self-examination in those hours waiting at the airport.

The road trips are one of the few obviously extraordinary weeks I have each year. But as much as I look forward to them, it’s what they do to the 6 months in between. How they gild the mundane, remind me to relish my own smallness, magnify what is important to me — magnify it to ignition.

The last time around, I needed a push — there’s no doubt that I got it. This time around, I don’t need a kick in the pants, I’m not looking for anything but to enjoy time with a friend (and maybe grief some Mennonites). I know it will remind me that I am right where I’m supposed to be.

I’ve removed all but one last goal from “my 50″. Phauxtog, keep an eye out for feral cats.

59 Days and Counting …

zoobroker — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 01:35:27 +0000

Most Definitely Road Trip Worthy: Eddie’s Famous Cafe In Los Banos, CA

zoobroker — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 19:00:32 +0000

Eddie’s should have been one of my first Road Trip Worthy posts. This place serves the best breakfast in California, hands down. The homemade sausage is very nearly the best sausage I’ve had anywhere in my life. The service is impeccable. This is a local’s place, and city slickers and their Priuses (What’s the plural of Prius, Priui? Priuae?) are sure to get a cockeyed-glance or two. It gets pretty busy on weekends, so plan on a small torturous wait as you smell what Eddie has cooked up.

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Not Quite Road Trip Worthy: Trailer Park Lounge, NYC

zoobroker — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 19:41:39 +0000

The Trailer Park Lounge is pretty good, definitely worth a stop if you’re in NYC, but it’s not quite worthy of taking a road trip for. The burger is excellent, the tater tots rock in their crispy-skin-mushy-guts glory, the kitsch is well, kitschy.

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Road Trip Worthy: Big Jake’s Cattle Company, Van Buren, AR

zoobroker — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 23:45:04 +0000

This might not even be the best steak around Fort Smith, Arkansas, but this place is the perfect place to grab a bite and a beer after a long drive. Years ago, I left a piece of my heart here … nuff said.

Also check out the Electric Cowboy. It might be the best bar in Arkansas. Just be wardrobe conscious: or you get comments like: “That’s an awful fancy shirt yer wearing.”

Oh, and if some guy tells you that he’d like to take ‘nekkid pictures’ of ‘yer lady’ — but that he ‘does it all classy style-like, ya know, like on a motorcycle or something’, I say go for it.

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Road Trip Worthy: Guero’s Taco Bar, Austin, Tx

zoobroker — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 17:54:59 +0000

Am I just taco crazy? Maybe. But next time you’re in Austin with a hangover, proceed directly to this joint. It can get a little crazy ’round brunch time, but it’s worth the wait. Last time I had the breakfast tacos which just blew me away: you normally have to choose just two ingredients, but spend the extra 3 or so bucks and get them fully loaded: beans, cheese, eggs,taters, spinach, shrooms, tomato, bacon, chorizo AND ham. If that (along with a Bloody Maria or two) doesn’t cure your hangover, just shoot yourself.

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Road Trip Worthy: El Toro Taqueria, San Francisco

zoobroker — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 22:42:08 +0000

Well, the road trip is over, but until our next one, I will be posting Road Trip Worthy restaurants, roads, bars, and sites to see. The first is El Toro Taqueria, San Francisco. I actually grabbed a burrito for lunch from there just a few minutes ago.

While there’s a lot of arguments about the best burrito in San Francisco, and El Toro is surely overshadowed by it’s better known big brother, Pancho Villa Taqueria, the lines here are tolerable, even at the lunch and dinner peaks. Everything is fresh, tasty, and the folks there can tolerate my lousy Spanish.

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Recap: It Hurts! But I Like It!

zoobroker — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 21:38:44 +0000

I (my chin) remembers a few more … good thing I don’t bruise easily.

Way more pics after the break …

Carpe Diem; Contest Contest Contest!

zoobroker — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 21:19:43 +0000

Surprise!

We said we had a surprise: here it is!

We’ve had so much interest in people wanting to come along with us, we thought we’d help two lucky people make it happen.

Next spring, Spammer and I will be going on a road trip through the Pacific Northwest, touching Seattle, Vancouver, Calgary, and many points between.

You have two ways of joining the fun:

Enter and win our raffle. Raffle tickets cost $10. The winner will be picked at random on live TV. Well, youtube.
Apply to our Road-Trip apprentice program. Write us and tell us why you would make a great road tripper. We’re looking for some fairly specific qualities:
- Can instigate creative havoc
- Can operate a camera and/or video equipment
- Is an effective wing-person.
- Knows at least a little bit about blogging.
- Has a Passion For Life
- Can shoot pool without scratching the felt, at least most of the time.

Both winners will have round-trip airfare, hotels, and meals covered. You buy your own tchotchkes.

We’ll be putting up a page where you can enter the raffle soon, but email us at raffle@lifeisaroadtrip.com if you’re interested in the mean time. You can apply for the apprenticeship at anytime by emailing apprentice@lifeisaroadtrip.com. Please keep your “Why I would make a great road tripper” essay under 2000 words.

Of course, you can enter both the raffle and the apprentice program.

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Zoo’s Favorite Moments

zoobroker — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 20:41:38 +0000

Of our one-hundred or so posts, I wanted to distill for you the best of the best, in my opinion …

First, we started with a bang in Omaha, then I got to talk to a future mad scientist. I got my ass kicked in virtual kung-fu under the stars. We really did see The Most Amazing Road On Earth. There was no you could plan this. And we opened up the vault and found a great surprise.

There were so many more moments, but those are my top 6 … only two more posts from me before I close the door on RT3 and start looking forward.

Zoo’s Closing Thoughts, Part 2

zoobroker — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 20:26:17 +0000

What is wrong with you people?

When I said I was taking a road trip through the Plains and the Rockies, some people asked “Why would you want to do that?”. Others warned me of racists, guns and small minds and who knows what else. Forget that most of these folks have only seen the middle of the country from 30000 feet as they fly coast-to-coast: the mentality was that there was almost no reason to go check out what my Mountain Time Zone brothers are up to, except maybe for a ski vacation.

You might think you’d hear the similar complaints from the citizens of the Rockies – they did after all vote for George Bush, right? What love could they have for us liberal, wine-tasting, Prius-driving snobs? Wrong. Most people were genuinely interested in the goings-on out on the coasts, asking probing questions, and mostly, they just wanted to have a good time with us.

Think twice before you denigrate the “red states”. If you think the differences in our politics mean you can’t enjoy all the people and places around, you are the ones with the small minds.

Day 10: Zoo’s Closing Thoughts, Part 1 (Almost Banal)

zoobroker — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 17:10:17 +0000

We’re only a few hours from boarding planes back to our respective homes, and I am wiped out– physically, that is. Mentally, I’m energized. This was the trip that I needed, — I probably needed it months ago — to help me refocus on the things that are important. When I wrote this 10 days ago, I felt lethargic and almost worthless. This was not a road trip of great epiphanies, or moments of clarity — just a persistent deluge of stimuli that reinforced what I knew – but had willfully ignored.

Spammer calls me an “instigator” — that I like to “remind people that they are alive”. Well, these past 10 days have reminded me that I was still alive, that there are things to do — maybe not things of great import – but at least to find some excuse or basic justification for my continued existence. It’s reminded me that the value of comfort — the easy life – it pales in comparison to the value of adventure and challenge.

I’m looking forward to hitting the ground running when I get back to San Francisco – whether it’s to get started on my projects, breaking out the new drums and finishing our Road Trip song, or just causing general havoc.

Part 2 (Almost Ranting) to come tomorrow …

500 pushups!

zoobroker — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 16:09:32 +0000

You may have caught some moments on the timelapse video where I appear to be humping the ground … if you look carefully, my pants are actually on. I was attempting to do 50 pushups a day before going out drinking. Mostly, I did a good job of that, but a couple nights I forgot and had a beer before the pushups, and one night I just couldn’t do anymore. I know 50 pushups doesn’t sound like a lot, but when you’re a chain-smoking, tequila-drinking slob, 50 is quite a few.

Well, today, I hit 500 pushups for our trip.

I feel a little better about myself, but one of my heroin-skinny shirts won’t button over my chest anymore. Here’s me remembering to do pushups in the Albany bar in Cheyenne. That’s brown lightning, baby.

The Word of the Night is …

zoobroker — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 07:08:58 +0000

…rubicund.

Exceptional Bar: the Blake Street Vault

zoobroker — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 05:15:11 +0000

I’ve been to a lot of bars in my life. Few have had the right mix of music, atmosphere, women and decor.

The Blake Street Vault is one of those places that just got it right. The owners, who have owned 14 bars previously, overlooked no details in putting this place together. After finishing dinner across the street, we spotted the beautiful lighting and just walked into what was to become a fantastic evening.

More pictures and commentary after the break …

These are the owners, Carol and Jim. Wonderful people with a great story and a great bar.

After a few massive chalice-sized beers, Carol invited us to taste whiskey. The owners went down to the Jack Daniel’s Distillery and selected a barrel of “Single Barrel”, a super-fine whiskey, individually crafted, signed, which produces 240 bottles, which are labeled with the owner’s name and bar. Carol allowed us to taste the Single Barrel along side the standard #7 and Gentleman Jack. I think it speaks to our palattes that Spammer and myself both preferred the standard #7 … but it was a great experience. Carol gave us the whole history of the Single Barrel and even more. We love people who are enthusiastic about their trade.

This is a shot of the bar from above. It’s only been open for 5 weeks, so there was still room to move. Expect that to change.

We did miss a clear picture of the custom-installed and absoutely gorgeous tin ceiling. You can just make it out above, but it’s one of the many touches that the Blake Street Vault employs to make it one of the most beautiful bars that I’ve seen.

We didn’t get to taste the food, but if the passion and attention to detail that we saw in other aspects of this place are put into dining as well, I have a feeling we will be eating a lot of meals here in the future.

I think the fire’s back …

zoobroker — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 05:10:34 +0000

Meals Of Note: Rio Grande

zoobroker — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 01:42:17 +0000

We heading to Croc’s for dinner, one of our old haunts, but it was packed by Ohio State alumni … so we turned to corner and found another mexican restaurant, Rio Grande.

Although our waitress was a not, the meal was gorgeous and awesome. We recommend the quesadilla, fajitas, enchiladas and especially the green chili.

Day 8: Progress

zoobroker — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 20:33:21 +0000

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End of the road?

zoobroker — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 20:29:28 +0000

We finished the driving part of our road trip today, rounding it out at 3209 miles of driving. Just a little perspective: That’s the same distance from Bangor, Maine to Los Angeles, CA: Eight cities, countless amazing roads and views, a couple great steaks, and a few dozen people who helped to make our trip a little more interesting along the way.

Thanks for following along so far! I hope it’s been entertaining — or at least slightly amusing — and we’ll have some more for you shortly! It’s not over yet — now we get to celebrate in Denver. We’ll be looking up old friends, hopefully making some new ones.

There’s something in the water …

zoobroker — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 10:16:58 +0000

– zoo

Cheyenne After Dark

zoobroker — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 09:58:57 +0000

When we walked out of our hotel tonight, it looked like it was going to be a dead night in Cheyenne. We were persistent and headed to a bar by the train depot called Shadows, where we met a great, fun group of folks.

We knew things were going to be awesome when we ordered 2 beers and 2 anejo tequila shots and the total was 12 dollars.

read more to see the rest of the action…

Shortly after, we met Tyler (in white) and Tesla-man. I think his name was Mike. Or Mark. Tyler was totally cool, and within 5 minutes of meeting us felt comfortable enough to break out our first “Harold and Kumar” comment. Tyler, if you read this, remember to go to the Green Street bar in Salt Lake City.

Spammer is having his ass grabbed in this picture.

And then I tried one of my famous pick-up lines again, this time with the lovely Chutney. I may have said “I want some chutney on my shish kebab”.

I think it speaks to my skill with the ladies that I only got punched once. Spammer tried this with the following result:

We moved on to another bar at Tyler’s invitation, and wouldnt-ya-know, another right hook.

Shortly after, we met Steve Stinger, who we warned to not continue with the crazy hair after the age of 29.

Inside the bar, we met the other brown man in cheyenne: Valentino. He was pimp.

Then I lost at pool and got angry:

And that was that.

Virtual Graffiti

zoobroker — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 08:54:31 +0000

We wanted to leave our mark on Cheyenne, but since we are generally law abiding citizens, we chose to apply our graffiti virtually. long exposures using sparklers instead of spraypaint.

“cheyenne” – spelled wrong.

“spam”

“zoobroker”:

Day 7: Progress

zoobroker — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 03:40:26 +0000

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I feel safer already …

zoobroker — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 17:12:35 +0000

We got a late start and stopped shortly after the border with Wyoming in a town called Evanston. Every man in the Wendy’s was wearing camouflage. I suspect that the incidence of camouflage-wearing and the incidence of gun ownership is highly correlated, and I immediately wondered, do we really want our dumbest states and our most armed states to be one and the same?

Well, it turns out, my prejudices were way off. Wyoming not only has one of the highest high school graduation rates in the country, but also some of the highest mean SAT scores and is in the top third in average IQ — way higher than California on New York. Oops, maybe there’s something we’re missing.

Anyway, to sum up, people in Wyoming have horrible fashion sense.

Yes, this is a camouflage tuxedo vest and elastic tie.